Match report

It has to be said, a night of drama, sweat, and heated battles for the mighty Harbourside vs Redland!

First up, Tim bravely stepped into the lion’s den, taking on Redland’s very own gum-chewing menace, Harry. A huge thanks to Tim for stepping up at number 1, taking on a tough opponent to give his team the best chance further down the order. It wasn’t his night on court, but his selfless effort didn’t go unnoticed. With this being his last match before heading off to New Zealand, we wish him all the best on his new adventure.

*Harbourside 0 - Redland 1*

Next on the chopping block was Harvey vs. Isaac— Bowser vs. Waluigi. This was a battle of power and strength vs. power and agility, with excessive amounts of blocking, expletives, tins, and a ref in Andy who had the difficult task of keeping order. And what a fine job he did! Absolutely no bias, no advantage given to either side… as both players were equally bemused with his decisions, which on reflection, perhaps shows that they were all fair and sqaure. As the sweat settled and the frustration subsided, Isaac scraped through 3-2, despite the full coaching squad of Page and Higgins doing their best to swing it Harvey’s way.

*Harbourside 0 - Redland 2*

Then came James vs. Barney, a battle of the grinders—except James forgot to grind in the first game and instead put on a masterclass, hitting 11 winners from every corner of the court while Barney stood bemused, hand on hip, as if witnessing divine intervention. Naturally, James was so unnerved by his own brilliance that he immediately lost the second game. After a rollercoaster of whiffs, unconventional technique, and yet more disgruntled grumbling about refereeing decisions, James finally edged out a 13-11 win in the fourth.

*Harbourside 1 - Redland 2*

At this stage, things were looking grim. Enter Duncan, who promptly went 2-0 down against Phil, convincing everyone it was all over. But this was merely a long con—Duncan was biding his time, executing a masterful tortoise-and-hare strategy that saw him claw his way back from the brink. He even saved two match balls before completing the ultimate heist, sealing it 15-13 in the fifth. Duncan proving once again that slow and steady—or in this case, utterly exhausted and somehow still standing—wins the race.

*Harbourside 2 - Redland 2*

Finally, we had the main event: Oli vs. Andy. A battle as old as time itself, kicking off at an ungodly 21:30, when most of the crowd had one eye on their watches and the other on the lasagne waiting downstairs. Andy, having already endured two marathon marking shifts, looked like a broken man, and for a brief moment, it seemed we might actually have a match finish at a reasonable hour. Oli had match ball after 15 minutes… but no. Somewhere, John cackled over his cauldron, having foreseen in his crystal ball that Andy would steal the third in a tiebreak, triggering Oli’s unravelling and a beautifully executed racket drop-kick onto the viewing balcony. With his head completely gone, Oli spent the fourth game stuffing every shot into the tin, including a truly majestic serve out to gift Andy the game. The fifth was a nail-biter, the momentum swinging wildly, but ultimately, Andy snatched victory from the jaws of defeat—ensuring we all left the club far too late and far too hungry.

*Harbourside 3 - Redland 2*

Meanwhile from the safety of the Swiss alp's (suspicious) George’s continued embezzlement streak was in full force, as despite everyone chipping in for an “extra” portion of lasagne, the table was set for 10, and no mystery meal appeared. On a completely unrelated note, George has also announced that subs are now £20, that need to be paid up front by all squad members for the rest of the season.

All in all, a heroic win for the team with massive comebacks, relentless battles, and some truly world-class complaining about refereeing decisions.